i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
