then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
