i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
