Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
