watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
