It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
