Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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