Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
