I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
