im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
