The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
