Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
