I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
