You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
