My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
