You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she looked like the before picture.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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