community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what day is it and did you see me today?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
