btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
