shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm too high and old for this...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
