Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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