I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
