he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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