I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
