I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
