we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
