Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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