Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
