Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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