and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
