Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
