Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize