youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
