Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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