I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
