respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
