Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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