nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
