Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize