even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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