were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize