apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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