So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize