Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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