I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize