so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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