I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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