So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
