so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
