I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
