I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
