I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
