maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize