True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
