I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
