Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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