I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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