Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
