I could make wine with my vomit
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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