She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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