He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
