i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
