i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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