I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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