the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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