We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
