how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
