Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
