the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
