I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
